Break Down: one day at a time

Seems like everyones throwing advice at me since I'm graduating and I'm single. It gets tougher and tougher to hear. I know its for the best everyone is trying to help, but really I just want to hurt. I mean I don't like hurting, but through the pain I will grow and there's really no other easy way around getting over all this and moving on. But I am listening and sometimes parts of it stick. like my friend saying I am FREE and I can date anyone I want just like he can. It sounds elementary, but when she spoke those words something clicked. I've just be so upset with the fact that I want him and he doesn't want me that I forget that I don't have to cry for him to change his mind. I have the freedom to move on if I want, but I really don't want to yet. I just want to cry it out.

All they say about him is true; he never cherished me -and that's what hurts the most; that I didn't realize until it was over that he never wanted me for me in the first place.

I have a hard time understanding how the single life doesn't bother people. I hate being single. I've always hated dating and thats the reason I've tried to always be in serious relationships. I had a realization at 16 years old that all I need is to find the one God has for me. I could save myself a LOT of heartache by not trying to do it myself. It will be a long time, if ever, that I can build trust in someone enough to think of marriage again. I was with this guy and the relationship was everything I ever dreamed of and then one day he just let me go. I still love him so much and my heart aches so bad that I can't sleep at night. It's over now. It's completely over. He has moved and some how I must find the courage to do the sane. He doesn't want to be with me. Now I'm constantly thinking is it me or something I did or said or another girl or him or what. He told me the exact reasons he was letting me go: i dont have the characteristics of soneone he wats to marry. but why didn't he recognize these issues in the beginning? Its just something I have to live through one day at a time I guess.

Free to Focus

This blog is solely committed to rest and reflection. Le Chica Libre translates as The Free Woman. It reflects my journey for rest in this weary and burden life while seeking first the kingdom of Christ. My place to write: about my day, about my life, my friends, my family, my God.

I am a woman of Christ learning to live through Him. I struggle. I sin. I am defeated over and over, but this is my place to relax, revive, repent, and be redeemed. My resting place from the world. 

Dedicated to my long lost friends Will and Mike who taught me that it is acceptable to sacrifice sleep for intelligent conversation, especially when eternal lives are at stake. 

To the hope in Christ that the seeds will sprout.