What is life like when you breastfeed? Wish I had thought about the answer to this before I was SO determined to do it. I just thought, "Why doesn't everyone breastfeed?" I figured, "its free and its SO good for the baby and mother." and honestly, yes, I thought, "its easy!" WELL I WAS WRONG! lol It IS not easy and it is NOT for everyone. I'm one of those that would have looked down on you -with a nice lecture- for using formula -even though I didn't have children. I now apologize and I will mind my own business. (Also, if you want to breastfeed your 5 year old, I'll mind my business as well.) I want to encourage everyone to breastfeed. I will help them all I can. This is one reason I have my blog, to give women a chance to see that it isn't easy, but it is worth it.
What I have found is that when people find something out about you, they want to tell you about their experience. You probably know this if you've ever been pregnant. So, when I tell people I'm nursing or they see me doing it- up comes their story. Most of the time, they say too much. They tell me right away (or something to the affect of), "I tried to breastfeed for 2-3 days and I just couldn't produce." "Breastfeeding was not what I thought it was going to be." "She needed me AL the time." Shame on doctors and teachers for not educating people on breastfeeding. It takes 5-7 days for your milk to "come in." I had no idea it would what those days would be like. The baby will NOT starve. This is the way God created us. They have enough to keep them nourished until they get it. This does not mean they won't cry. They does not mean they are not hungry. Up until the point of birth, babies have had a consistent flow of nourishment from the umbilical cord. They've never felt hungry, so of course they cry to this new "feeling." If you give them formula, of course they will suck it down. You can give them formula while breastfeeding. Its called supplementing. You try to feed them as much as you can as long as you can (the more they suck, the better for you). Then, you "top" them off with formula. In our case, it was .5 of an ounce after 4 days of "feeding" nonstop and that was it. She was happier until the milk came. Then, she was VERY happy. The only reason we gave her that little bit of formula was because our pediatrician made me think she was starving to death. I now know, she wasn't. The point is, it takes time -patience- and time and more time for the milk to come. I feel like most people give up before they know if they can breastfeed. Like I said, its fine with me if you choose not to do it, but don't make up a lame excuse to tell people that essentially creates a stigma that could make a future breastfeeding mother think is a common breastfeeding problem when it isn't.
What exactly does it look like to give it a good try? It looks like living days and days with no shirt on. Like a baby literally stuck to your nipple 24/7. When you get up (to pee or for a quick shower) you hear a screaming baby. You let that baby suck, suck, suck for days and days and nights and nights. You can't stop staring at their face. You get a neck cramp from looking down. You are tired of watching tv and sitting on your butt and asking people for everything. You have had little sleep, little food, and no alone time. Your significant other looks at you sad because they NEVER get to hold their own baby unless they are screaming. They also get a good amount of sleep-at least enough to get the bags out from under their eyes. If you'er lucky, you the the internet on your phone and you can google all your questions/concerns as you feed. You can be somewhat entertained by the internet at 4am when theres nothing by infomercials on tv. You have a few breakdowns, usually at night when you're too tired to comprehend anything. You scream and cry yourself. You hand the baby off and yell and huff and puff and try to let out your emotions but quickly realize the baby is still screaming (because there is not a nipple in its mouth) and it will not stop until you stop. So, you stop -really before you are ready- and go back at it. This happens for days and days.
If this was all you were dealing with, then you MIGHT be able to handle it for a day. Take into consideration that you are home, with a new baby. You're life has changed. You have probably not unpacked from the hospital. You probably don't know the first thing about that baby.You probably have a super sore butt/belly depending on how the baby got here. After a few days, you stink. You miss your bra and t-shirt. You have had junk food because thats all you can grab quick. (if you've had really meals, thank God someone is caring for you. In a few weeks, it will be easier, but everyones lives will resume as normal. and there you'll be running to the kitchen for junk food.) You might have ended up cosleeping. You might have super sore or cracked nipples. You might have engorgement or mastitis. You might have a baby who is still learning to suck and every time one nipple gets healed, the other gets sore again. If this is all you were dealing with, then you MIGHT be able to handle it for a day, but you have ALL these other issues at the same time. You wonder, how does anyone get though it. Believe me, I wondered too. I went to a local breastfeeding class and they didn't tell me ANY of this! They didn't paint a picture of what it would be like, if all went perfectly well.
Surprise!
Let me just say, there is hope. It gets easier. If it didn't, no one would do it. If my friends -most of whom just finished their 1 year of breastfeeding- told me this is how it would be for the entire year, I'd be the first to give in. But each week is really easier. Your body heals. You get into a routine. Your baby still eats ALL the time, but your nipples heal. You learn to nurse laying down and to sleep sitting up. You can type, text, and eat with 1 hand (including non dominate). You care less about a clean house, car, and clothes. Your baby starts to change -looking more like a baby and less like an alien- and it all becomes worth it. You realize how good it is for nutrition and bonding. Its ALWAYS ready and at the right temperature. You quickly lose your baby weight. You can instantly comfort a screaming baby without having to troubleshoot the actual problem. The babies poop is way better than formula poop. You dont have to buy formula. I know how great my milk is for the baby. This is why I try so hard to give it to her!
Co sleeping. Everyone has their own opinion about this. It can be dangerous. It can be unhealthy (for the couple and/or the baby). It can be hard to break. But, it is so easy and comforatble to feed in the middle of the night!! also keep a flashlight under your pillow ;)
When you ask someone to get something for you and just when they hand it to you and sit down, you think of something else you need.
When everyone else is eating and you're sitting there starving or you just sit down with a plate of food when you hear the hunger cry.
When u choose not to fed in front of certain people (like your friends 5 year old who asks a lot of questions or middle school boys) you will probably end up in a room alone. Or in an awkward feeding position when you would give anything for a boppy or settle for a purse or jacket to lean or prop on.
When she has a terrific latch and is really eating good and you're about to poop your pants!
When someone asks if they can kiss your baby goodbye WHILE they are eating! Followed by a "ill try not to get your boob!"
When your baby is not finish eating and it's time for the next scheduled feeding to begin.
The worst is the question "oh can I hold her again before u feed her?" or "whats wrong baby? (knowing she wants to eat) you want to walk? I'll walk with you." In my head, I say, "Omg do U really want to hold a screaming baby and try to calm her down when I know all she wants us to eat! Just give her to me!"
"Is she sleeping or eating?" Oh how I loathe this question. For one, does it matter? For two, is it a crime for me to let my baby sleep or comfort suck? Now, I just say eating. They don't know and it doesn't matter. Its just a stupid question. Sometimes it could be both.
The worst is the question "oh can I hold her again before u feed her?" or "whats wrong baby? (knowing she wants to eat) you want to walk? I'll walk with you." In my head, I say, "Omg do U really want to hold a screaming baby and try to calm her down when I know all she wants us to eat! Just give her to me!"
"Is she sleeping or eating?" Oh how I loathe this question. For one, does it matter? For two, is it a crime for me to let my baby sleep or comfort suck? Now, I just say eating. They don't know and it doesn't matter. Its just a stupid question. Sometimes it could be both.
Here are some tips that I have learn help:
Breastfed babies love to be held! They get held so much while they are eating, then they fall asleep in your arms and still get held. So, they get used to be held and LOVE it. They wake up when you put them down. Breastfed babies eat a lot. They cannot be overfed. People tried to tell me eating for an hour was crazy and that really she was just sucking or holding the nipple in her mouth, but no. I know that she EATS for 30 minutes on one side and then 30 minutes on the other. Thats ok. I know it is a lot, but I'm ok with her eating when she is hungry. I know now that you can't rush a hungry baby!
Keep your to-do lists minimal. I realized when I was feeling stressed out about having to stay put, it was because I was trying to do to much at once. If feeding my baby is ALL I have to do today, I don't feel bad, discouraged, or disappointed about not taking a shower, making dinner, or changing the sheets on the bed!
If you're expecting visitors, tell the company ahead of time so they're not caught be surprise. Especially you FIL.
Buy bottled water.
Put all the pump parts in the fridge to keep from washing them every time!
In the beginning, resist the strong urge to do anything. Really. Any-thing. It IS ok. Except maybe shower. And stay in there as long as possible -until u hear the baby crying.
Don't go anywhere until you can take a bottle! Unless you're prepared to 1. hear a screaming hungry baby trapped in a car seat or 2. Feed in the car. It's best to wait until they're 6 weeks old at the earliest to go to the grocery store and run errands. That way you're comfortable feeding in the car or carrier and maybe know the feeding schedule.
Take a blanket or nursing cover every where u and the baby go if you aren't comfortable exposing yourself. You never know when she will break out in a cry for food!
Make a pritority list while you are feeding of what you need to do during a break.
If you are still asking yourself, "What can I do to make it better?"
Get a good support group around you. People that REALLY know what you are going through. Real friends and a GREAT lactatation consultant.Get prepared to just sit-especially in the beginning! Nothing sucks more than when you're thirsting to death and you stretch as far as you can reach to your bottle of water or a ringing phone that's just outside your fingertips
Depend on others. Dont wait on someone to ask, "Do u need anything?" or "what can I do for you?" because after the first few days, they wont. and its much easier to just ask than sit around sulking.
Expect to get discouraged and prepare for how u will deal with it. Sometimes breastfeeding just plain sucks. Have a good support system available at all times including a great lactation consultation, good friends who were successful at bfing for at least a year, and a significant other who can offer support at your darkest moment in the middle of the night after you've been awake for hours having no shower, little food, and at your weakest. Having someone -especially a baby-by your ever loving side nonstop day after day can be tough on its on.
Husbands/significant others: be prepared to not get to hold your own child much! and for tears and to encourage! And realize babies eat a lot! They need their mother! And bf babies like to be held ALL the time! And they Really like their mother!
Be strong and take your screaming hungry baby from someone who is holding them when you know they're hungry.
Be confident in reading you babies cues. After all, you are the one with them the most!
I have come to the realization that:
Work is like a vacation. The only free time you really have is pumping at work and that 30 minutes never lasts long enough!
At each stage/age there are things to look forward to and things to be glad are passing. Live in the moment. If it hurts you to think of your child growing up (running around, driving, graduating etc) don't let your mind go there! Enjoy the now. Babies don't last forever.
No one will ever love your child like you.
However you decide to parent (cloth diapering, cosleeping, formula feeding, etc) is right for you. Don't let anyone make you fell bad about it. You are doing what is right for you and best for you at this time. That's GREAT parenting!
What else should I know?
It WILL get easier.
Pumping doesn't feel anything like a baby eating.
Babies nursing habits change. They have different stages. They will pat and rub your chest, wiggle or kick their legs around, pull off and smile, bite a little, etc.
Remember through all of this:
This is how God created us. They is what we are designed to do. You will be free again one day.
Relax and allow your boobies to do their job! This is what boobies are for.
FAVORITE BLOGS:
http://kellymom.com/
interactive blog
FAVORITE PRODUCTS:
give extra milk
bottle nipples in Dr. Browns Bottles
nursing cover
electric pump
hand pump
pump bags (cheaper at walgreens online)
Disposable Nursing Pads
nursing bra
boppy pillow
reusable nursing pads (not for everyone. read this review)
Lactation Consultant:
| Gloria Dudney, RN, IBCLC (423) 794-5560 |
| First Choice Pediatrics 301 Med Tech Parkway Johnson City, TN update: We are 2 weeks away from reaching our 1 year mark (previous breastfeeding goal!) It has been tough, but I think we are up for going another year! She has started solids now and I figure she will start dropping off some of our sessions, so why not continue. I have learn how milk changes to meet her needs and its the winter season. Just one more thing I can do to prevent sickness! As long as I am able to keep myself healthy, we will continue. I can't imagine being sick and feeling bound to continue to "give yourself away." After all, she nurses a lot faster now and I have some to really enjoy our relationship. It allows her a chance to relax in the middle of the day and take a break. I see nothing wrong with continuing and no negatives! So, here we go! |
update:
We met our 2 year mark! I honestly NEVER thought I would be breastfeeding a 2 year old, but the truth is, when you have a newborn, who does think they will? In so many ways, she is so grown up and in so many ways, she is still a baby. In the realm of life, she is still a "newborn" and still needs me and the security of breastfeeding. I know one day we will wean. I know one day it will be time and I understand that. I know it will be hard for me because like this is all she has even known as a child, it is also all I have ever known as a mother. I love her dearly. Some days it is a sacrifice to continue to offer myself to her for many reasons but other times, it is my sanctuary -to hold her when she needs to be held -while she will allow my comfort to be.
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